


The Middle Of Nowhere Is For Broken Hearts And Shattered Souls

by CoffeesForFuckers



Series: Gay Boys Doing Some Gay Shit [8]
Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: AU, Angst, Cute, Falling In Love, Ferard, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Former Love, In Love, It Gets Better, Long, Lost Love, Lots of Crying, Love, M/M, Memories, My First Work in This Fandom, No Smut, Random - Freeform, Sad, Thanks, Worth It, frank left, i demand appreciation, i tried so hard, i'm tring, lengthy, please, please read it took so long, pretty angst, reconnecting, remembering, this took 3 days, you'll need tissues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-19
Updated: 2017-06-19
Packaged: 2018-11-16 02:54:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,751
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11244843
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CoffeesForFuckers/pseuds/CoffeesForFuckers
Summary: Gerard loved Frank with all his heart and he still does to this day. His drinking gets in the way of his happiness, their happiness and he loses the one thing he never could bear to live without.Years later Gerard calls him from their place in the middle of nowhere, never expecting to hear the voice of his lost love, ever again.





	The Middle Of Nowhere Is For Broken Hearts And Shattered Souls

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to @NewYearsEveBaby02 for helping me with this even though she's new to the emo trash community
> 
> Also please send me prompts, I have no ideas left and I wanna write

“Hey… Hi… Um… Hi…” I stammer into the phone, “L-Listen, I… I know that… You don’t want me to… You don’t… I’m probably the last person you want to hear from.” I inhale deeply as I look up into the sky, watching the galaxy swirl around me, “I’m out in the middle of… Um… Well, nowhere… I’m thinking about… Everything and well… My mind it kind of... Landed on you…” I chuckle through the tears.

My eyes trace the sky, it reminds me of his eyes. Oh, how I miss those eyes, that smile. Him.

“I just… I really miss you… I know this… Um, this is all, well… This is all my fault… I know it’s been a really… Really long time since, I, uh… Even spoke to you.” I swallow, falling silent for awhile, “I swear I’m not drunk…  I’m in the middle of nowhere and don’t have any way of, uh, getting any… I’m sorry… I just… I wanted to talk to you.” I breathe out shakily, “Are you… Alright? Is… Is your life going well?”

I sniff and rub at my eyes, “I remember laying here, on the roof of this car… That… That was the night I… I told you I was in love with… With you… That was the night you kissed me…” I choke, “Looking up at the sky reminds me of you, holding your hands, cuddling under the… The freezing cold, starry sky…” I start crying harder and stop speaking.

After a very, very long pause I start up again, “I’m sorry… I just… I miss you. It’s so cold without you here…” I start coughing, “I hate myself so much… I hate that I made this happen, that I made you run away… Isn’t it funny how you only realize just how much you love somebody once they’re gone…” I laugh ironically as I swallow and let out a heavy, sharp breath, wheezing with each breath I manage to take between hysterical sobs.

I shift on the hood of the car, my face and neck and chest are soaked from the tears and I’m shaking so hard I can barely hold onto my phone.

I sniffle, “You were my sleeping beauty… Too bad I couldn’t be your true love’s kiss… I don’t even know how to feel human anymore, like… I don’t care who I fuck, who I hold at night… Being alone… I… That means I… I have to feel… I just… no…” I cry, “You're the only person that makes me think before I speak... The only person to make me delete a message in fear of hurting you because you're the only person that I ever cared to… To keep… And you’re gone… Fuck! Just… Fuck, fuck!” I slam my hands on the hood of the car as waterfalls of bitter, angry and sadness filled tears fall freely over me. I burst into a coughing fit, letting out several strangled, pleading words that sounded like noise through the pain.

I hated this so much, it’d been years and yet he never leaves my mind, why can’t I just fucking hold him for one more night? Just one more second with him. Just to fucking see him… To hear his voice...

“I’m so sorry… I just… I’m gonna go… I know you don’t want to hear from me after all this time… Or at all for that matter...” I croak, “I love you so much, Frank Iero...  I’m so sorry for everything… See you in another life.”

I hang up, I feel so empty.

I can remember so vividly the touch of his warm hands, almost as if I were holding them right now. They were always  so soft and they were a bit pudgy which made them so comfortable. He was so smooth and sweet, everything about him was just so good.

I close my eyes and see his staring back, deep into mine. He had a beautiful form of heterochromia, central, but it was better than imaginable. He had three different colors in his eyes, they were a gorgeous reddened, orange-like brown around the iris that branched out and turned into this olive green color that glowed with vibrance and finally, around the outside was a dark mix of green and brown that made the other pieces of his eyes pop and stand out against his toned skin.

His hair was always so silky, it felt so good, I could just feel it around my fingers as I laid here alone. I would twirl it around them while we laid together and watched movies at night, when he’d hold me…

When I would have a breakdown like I was now, he would wrap his arms around my middle, holding me tight as his arms squeeze around the arch in my back and he holds the back of my neck. He would play with the small wisps of hair there while I twisted his hair around my hands.

I hiccup as I suppress my tears. You know that feeling when you’re just sobbing so hard and your heart and chest hurt and you can’t breath or even make any sound except for small involuntary squeaks and whimpers accompanied by that shaky, obnoxiously loud breathing? Mine was so much worse than something that could be described and even imagined.

The memories of him flood back like tidal waves. His pretty laughter and that gorgeous smile of his. The school girl giggle of his that made me feel so bubbly and happy. When he kissed me the first time and when I confessed my love to him. I remember our nights together, when we had sex and when we just stayed home, I remember those dates with him while he smiles at me with those heart-eyes of his, when he held my hand. I can vividly remember him saying he loved me, walking hand in hand with me, everything he did was just so perfect.

The bad times come back with the good times. The time I smashed a glass and accidentally sent Frank to the ER.  The time he gave me a black eye for being a fucking asshole while drunk. The time he broke my hand when we got in a fight. The times I told him to leave and never come back and the one time he really did...

I end up staring at the sky alone for a long time and end up falling asleep on the roof of my car by myself.

|||

_“I don't want to see you ever again, Frank! Don't fucking call me, don't fucking talk to me, just leave!” I shout, slurring and almost falling. I throw my glass at his feet and it shatters, cutting into his legs but he doesn’t even flinch._

_It gets hazy and I can’t see properly, his voice is muffled._

_“No you can’t idiot! You can’t just fucking do whenever you want!” He snaps, “You’re a fucking idiot, Gerard! This is why I don’t love you and I never have!”_

_“Get out!” I yell, “Get the fuck out and never fucking come back!”  I growl, barely able to hold my own head up._

_My head starts to pound and the room is spinning, I can’t hear except a loud ringing, Frank’s yelling and I’m yelling too, I don’t know why, or what for._

|||

“I'm sorry, Frank! I didn't mean-... it…” I sigh as I find myself staring down a dirt path in the early hours of the morning on the roof of my car.

I still get nightmares and it's been years since I've heard his voice or seen his face. I still so vividly remember every detail of him.

I check my phone to see what time it was. Only about seven in the morning. I also have a missed call and a voicemail.

I decide to take a listen.

“Hey, been awhile… That was one long message you left. Is everything okay? You seemed pretty distraught. I'm assuming that you were just drunk, as always. The only reason I even called back this time was because I could hear the pain in your voice. Anyway, yeah… Sorry if this just makes you feel worse… Bye.” I sit in awe, the voice, the tone, the accent, it's all the same. He's the same.

I call back, “Hi… It’s been a long time…” I mumble as I reach the voicemail, “I never thought I’d… I’d hear your voice uh… uh, again… Fuck, I’m sorry, I’m getting emotional again… You just do that to me… I-... Well, I… Just, I miss you so much… All the memories come back to me and I just… I want to redo them all and I’m sorry…” I murmur, licking my lips and calming myself down a bit, “Thanks for the memories, even though they aren’t that great now that they’re over. I should’ve tried a little harder… A lot, sorry… A whole fucking lot. I only saw how much after you were gone…”

I cough, trying to stop the tears, “I just want to relive it all again just… Just one more time.” I cry, “I just, I remember every bit of you so vividly and I… Fuck, I’m so sorry… I’ll go. Thank you so much for letting me hear you one more time… I miss you… Bye…” I hang up.

I just sit there, I can’t tell you why I even stay here. Why don’t I just go home? Why am I even still thinking of Frank even after all this time?

He left three years ago from next month.

July 21st.

I miss him more than words can express, more than feelings can convey and more than memories can comfort. I need one more day to tell him I love him, he just needs to know…

It feels like such a waste, I loved him forever and was with him for longer than anybody only to ruin it because I was fucked up. Because I _am_ fucked up.

I close my eyes and let the memories play…

|||

_“What’s that one called?” I point up at a the stars._

_“Gee… That’s the big dipper…?” He laughs, “For a brilliant man, you really are pretty dumb aren’t you?” He bumps his arm off of mine jokingly and I stifle a yawn._

_“That one?” I point out another._

_“That one’s you.” He replies, “Cancer.” He giggles at his own joke._

_“Ha ha… Very funny.” I roll my eyes and elbow him in the side. He rubs at the sore spot on his ribs but still laughs._

_My head tips to face him, he’s still staring at the sky while I lay there with a racing heart._

_“Tired?” He asks and I nod._

_“A little.” I coo as the cool night air washes over me and makes me shiver. Frank notices and slides closer to me, wrapping an arm beneath my head and playing with my ridiculously long hair._

_“Use me as your bed.” He hums, “I’m not tired, just sleep on me… I’ll keep you warm too.”  He looks at me now and I’m glowing red. I could be used as a light to guide us home._

_“O-... Okay… I-... Thanks.” I blush._

_“Goodnight, Gee.” He smiles into my hair as my heart beats out of my chest._

_“Goodnight, Franky, I love you.” I tell him without even thinking and I instantly jump as the words pass my lips, “That’s not-... I- I… Frank…”_

_“It’s okay.” He giggles and tilts my head up with his finger. He places a kiss to the side of my mouth, “Love you too, Gee… Now get some sleep.”_

|||

_“You’re cheating on me!” I yell, for once I’m actually sober, “I can’t believe you!” Furious tears flow down my face._

_“I'm not! Why don't you ever listen!?” He shouts back._

_“Yes you are! I don't listen because you keep lying to me!  Why can't you tell me the truth!?”_

_“I am telling the truth! She's a family friend, Gerard!”  He's seething with rage, fists balled at his sides._

_“Yeah right! Fuck you Frank! If you don't love me then just fucking tell me!” I fire the glass that is on the table next to me at him and he fumbles with it, trying to catch it before it hit the ground only for it to shatter and jab into his hand. He drops to the floor as blood pours everywhere. My anger dissipates and I drop to my knees next to him._

_“Don’t.” He snarls at me._

_“I’m so sorry, baby… I love you so much, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” I cry as I try to hold him._

_“Don’t touch me right now, it hurts so much.” He struggles to breathe properly._

_“Let me see it.” He pulls away his other hand from on top of the injured one to reveal just a pool of blood, “Shit, I’m calling an ambulance.” I mutter and pull out my phone, “I’m so sorry.”_

|||

_My hands are shoved in my pockets on the way home. I fumble around with the box in my fingers. I can’t believe that I chickened out again…_

_Why do I get so nervous? It’s not like he would say no… We’ve been together for almost eight years. I reach over and lace my fingers with Frank’s and he starts to smile. He was so pretty._

_When we finally get home Frank goes to take a shower while I sit downstairs and get wasted, per usual…_

_Once he’s done he comes back downstairs, he’s singing._

_“Gee!” He chimes, “Let’s watch a movie! You make the popcorn and I’ll go find the movies!” He coos and stops dead in his tracks as his smile drops, “Fucking seriously? Tonight was so good and you had to go get fucking drunk? Really Gerard?”_

_“Fuck off, we can still watch movies.” I slur._

_“Not while I’m holding your hair back when you vomit all that shit up again!” He growls at me._

_“Shut up, Frank. Jesus, fuck you.” I roll my eyes._

_“No! You have a problem!” He insists._

_“I do not.” I stand and snap in reply._

_“Yes you do, are you blind!” He shouts at me, “You’re ruining us!  You’re never here! It’s always your drunk ass and me holding your hair back! You need to get help!” He yells at me._

_“Stop! I can do what I want! If you don’t like it then leave!” I shout._

_“I’ve been thinking about it! I can’t live like this Gerard. You hurt me, physically and emotionally, you ruin everything because you’re a fucking drunk!”_

_“I don't want to see you ever again, Frank! Don't fucking call me, don't fucking talk to me, just leave!” I yell, voice slurred and  stumbling around. I throw my glass at his feet and it shatters, cutting into his legs but he doesn’t even flinch, he usually doesn’t anymore from all the times I’ve done it._

_“Gerard you need to stop! Knock this shit off!” Frank shoves me back away from him and I fall on my ass, “You need to fucking quit!”_

_“No! Fuck you! I can do whatever the fuck I want, Frank! You can’t boss me around!” I growl in anger._

_“No you can’t idiot! You can’t just fucking do whenever you want!” He snaps, “You’re a fucking idiot, Gerard! This is why I don’t love you and I never have!”_

_“Get out!” I yell, “Get the fuck out and never fucking come back!”  I growl, barely able to hold my own head up._

_“Fine! I will! I found someone that can love me for real! And guess what?! She's not a fucking drug addicted alcoholic like you!” Frank screams back, “Fuck you, Gerard! Good luck finding anybody that can love you like I tried to!”_

_The words leave no pain, they don't hurt._

_That was until I woke up alone._

_“Frank?!” I call out, “Baby?” I stumble to my feet from the floor and step into the kitchen. There's a note on the table._

**_Dear Gerard,_ **

**_Have fun living your life in a drunken blur. Don't count on me giving a rat's ass. I'm finally listening to your angry slurred words and leaving and not coming back. I promise not to call and not to visit. I'd appreciate if you'd do the same. I found someone better._ **

**_With what used to be love,_ **

**_Frank._ **

_I cry, so hard I can't breath, so loud that it echoes for years throughout my hollow mind._

_I drink myself dry, drink until my heart just about stops._

|||

I sit up and open my eyes after that one, my phone is ringing and I quickly answer it.

“Hello?” I chime into the phone.

“Gee, hi.” Just the way my name is said make my whole body tense.

“Frank…” I hum, unable to say anything of any other words to say.

“So, you’ve been calling…” He mumbles.

“Yeah… I… I really miss you…” I murmur, “How-... Um, how have you been?”

“I’m alright… What about you? You don’t sound very alright…” Frank says, his voice is low, as if he’d just awoken.

“I’m okay… I just… I’ve been thinking too much.” I sigh.

“You’re not okay, I can hear it in your voice, even after all these years you still can’t hide the fact that you suck at hiding that.” He’s rolling his eyes, I can tell, “I-... Do… Do you want me to come over and we can talk about it?”

“Uh-... What?” My heart is pounding.

“I can come see you if-... If you wanna talk?” He says.

“I’m in the middle of nowhere.” I reply.

“Good thing I know where that is.” And the phone call ends.

|||

A car pulls up behind mine close to two hours later. I don't even pay attention to it as I stare up at the cloudless sky. The sun would be setting soon enough and I'd end up staying here again. People will probably get worried by tomorrow but it didn't matter to me.

“Gerard Way…” I hear the heart palpitation inducing voice of my past lover.

I sit up just as he steps up to the front of my car. He really did change a lot but still looked exactly the same. Long hair and a beard, somehow more handsome than ever.

“Frank Iero…” I hum.

“Still exactly the same as I remember.” He speaks.

“I could say the same to you.” I reply.

“So…” He jumps up onto the hood of my old car, “You're sober?”

“Yep… Almost two years clean now.” I half-smile at him.

“Wow. Almost three since… That night…” Frank frowns a bit and I reach for his and out of instinct.

“I was planning on proposing that night you know…?” I look up at him and he give me a heartbroken and shocked look.

“Oh my god… Gerard… I…” He shakes his head, his long black locks sliding over his face like calm waves.

“I started drinking because I felt like a loser for never being able to work up the courage to…” I fall back to lay on the windshield.

“No… Gerard, don't go on… Please don't …” He mumbles, “I made the biggest mistake of my life that night and I'll never forgive myself for it.”

“It's my fault.” I feel his hand on mine as he lays back next to me.

“We were both stupid…” He huffs, “I-... When you called last night I just couldn't answer… I couldn't bring myself to… But something about your voicemail made me have to call back…”

“I feel stupid for calling.” I breathe.

“Don’t… I-... Well, to be honest with you… I… I’m glad you did.” Frank admits, “Hearing your voice… It made me remember that there's somebody still out there that cares more than anything.”

“I always have cared more than anything… You’re the one that never loved what we had, Frank.” I feel an angry flame bubble up inside me suddenly.

“I was stupid… I never should’ve said that. I loved you so much but was so pissed that I wanted what happened to sting while I got to be happy… but I never got to be happy. Not without you.” A sigh passes though his lips, “I know it’s stupid to finally say it now, now that it’s too late that is.”

“It’s never too late.” I murmur to the sky which is turning the same colors as that first night here with Frank, burning a pink and blue against the lightest of blues.

Frank runs his fingers through his long hair and it drapes down over the glass. He squeezes my fingers a bit and they tingle from his soft touch. He coughs, it sound kind of forced, almost to break the calmness between us. There was no tension. I mean, awkward, probably a bit but it wasn’t like that time he came to get his things.

We didn’t even have to say words to each other, I didn’t care about the time that’s passed. I just wanted to feel this one more time and I’ve got it, I’ve got everything I could ever want right now.

“Gerard…”

“Frank?” I answer.

“Why would you let me back? It’s so dumb of you.” He turns to look at me.

“Why would you come back? That’s even dumber.” I glance at him and catch a glimpse of that smile of his, that one that I could never resist.

“Well… Because, I’ve always regretted everything I did and said and I really… I still love you.”

“And as do I, Frank. How could I stop?” I sigh, “I’ve loved you since before I even fucking knew you.” I continue staring at the sky, knowing full well that I couldn’t take looking at Frank. He’s not mine and I can’t have him so I can’t get attached again, I can’t be dependant on looking at his beauty for so long.

I let out a breath that’s shakier than my hands, “Frank, what about that girl?”

“Hmm?”

“The girl you left me for.” I say and he tenses.

“I-... Well, she, um… She left… She was pregnant with somebody else's baby… And I also, didn’t love her.”

“Oh…” I nod, watching as the light starts to fade and it gets very dim. I now have the courage to look at Frank, who just so happens to already be watching me.

“We should like… Hang out, like we used to… Before the dating and drinking and everything.” Frank says awkwardly as he stares into my eyes.

“Uh… Yeah, that sounds nice…” I reply just as poorly.

“But right now, I just want to stay under the stars with you.”

And he does.

All night, we sleep next to each other. And for the first time in years, I actually can _sleep_.

|||

Frank and I text here and there over the next few weeks, making plans that never pan out. He’s busy with his music and I’m busy with my comics. But today is different.

I send a text.

**_F, please come over, need help with moving stuff out of boxes. Thanks._ **

He replies fast, I’m actually surprised, he was never that quick even when we were dating.

**_Be there in twenty._ **

I’m so grateful for him right now. I had just moved into a new place and had boxes piled everywhere and trying to move everything out myself would be close to impossible.

I decide to work on getting some stuff unpacked while I wait for Frank. I remember he said something about a new song of his coming out today so I pull it up on spotify and play it over the speakers, which happen to be some of the only things I’d unpacked in the past couple weeks.

I listen and am in awe of how much better he’d gotten at music. He was subpar before, good nonetheless, but not great. Now he was amazing, he was always so talented…

I get lost in his music when there's a tap on my door. I shut the speakers off and make my way to let Frank in. He’s dressed in his usual t-shirt and too tight skinny jeans.

Beautiful as always.

“Hey, what do you need help with?” He gives me a sweet little wave and a smile that reaches his eyes.

“I just need to start taking shit out of these boxes and find the rest of my comic stuff. I didn’t label any of the boxes so this will be fun.” I chuckle, stepping aside to let him in.

“Just as dumb as I remember.” He jokes, brushing against me as he steps inside, looking around at everything, “Nice TV dude! It’s so big!” Frank gushes.

“Thanks, I got it for my gaming addiction.” I smile as he runs his eyes over everything, taking it all in.

“Your place is really nice.” He comments as he sits on the couch and kicks his sneakers off.

“Thank you.” I grin.

“Where do we start?” Frank asks me and I point at the piled up boxes.

“Anywhere that’ll get this shit done.” I say and Frank starts to laugh and I feel my heart explode within me at the sound.

“Okay.” He stands and grabs a box, “Better get started.”

##  **Frank**

“I need to get food this week. I’ve been living off of shit raman and take-out for two weeks.” Gerard groans as he pulls a statue out of a box.

“You could do that now if you really wanted. I could go get the stuff you need for you if you wanted?” I offer and he shakes his head, his long hair that was very poorly dyed red swung into his face.

“It’s okay.” He smiles at me and my heart skips a beat. I missed him so much.

It had been three years since I’d seen him and yet nothing has changed.

Well, except for the drinking and dating I mean.

“Speaking of food, are you hungry, b-... Frank?” He stumbles over his words.

“Yeah, a bit. I haven’t eaten all day.” I shrug and rub at the back of my neck.

“It’s almost four, Frank! You have to eat! I’ll order chinese.” Gerard scolds, “Same thing as usual… Well, I-... I mean, as you used to get.” He says. I can understand the sudden confusion. I’m freaked out over it all too.

“Yeah, how do you even still remember that?” I ask even though I still remembered his.

“Because you remember all the little things when someone means so much.” He replies as if it’s something that normal people say to other people all the time.

He gets up and goes into the other room and orders, I can hear him speaking and his words are muffled but it brings me back. He always left the room while ordering food, mostly because of his anorexia problem long ago, it was a habit that had formed I assume.

Once he comes back I’m already going through another box. It’s filled with all of his comic stuff so I set it aside, “What’s in that?” He points at it.

“Uh, your comic stuff.” I say.

“Thanks!” He beams, “I’m gonna go out and get our food.” He points at the door.

“Here, take like, fifteen is it usually for mine?” I hand him a twenty but he pushes it back to me.

“You’re helping me unpack, I’m getting you food.” He insists, “Do you wanna come or you can just chill here while I’m gone?”

“I can stay here.” I smile up at him and he gives me one back.

“Alright, I should be back in around an hour.”

“Have fun!” I wave as he makes his way to the door, laughing that beautiful laugh that was all his own. I’ve never heard anything like it.

As soon as he gets outside I continue snooping through his stuff. I  can’t help but look through the only labeled box in the pile. It says ‘ _Important + Top Secret stuff’_  with ‘ _fuck off’_ scribbled smaller next to it.

I pry it open, gently, and it’s completely filled with comics, old ones and some choppy ideas. I couldn’t stop myself from flipping through them, all of them. There aren’t a whole lot of them but what’s there is so good. The art is fantastic and the writing is phenomenal.

I find a scrapbook on there as well, after pulling it out I find more stacks of comics underneath. I would check them out later, first I wanted to look in this book that was overflowing with pictures and some note pages with ideas on them.

I open to the first page and it has ‘ _The only memories I care to save’_ scrawled messily over the page. I chuckle, same old Gerard. As I open it, the first picture I see is of him and I. And so are the second, third and fourth. There are so many of me, of him and I… There are some of him and Mikey and of some random other stuff of course, some My Chemical Romance pictures, which is predictable. But most of them are the memories of us. I study each one and let them memories come back to me.

The lake, the middle of nowhere nights, the adventures and the trips. Everything was in here. This book was like the most wonderful time machines I’d ever witnessed, the one that could bring me back to the good times, the good old days.

I smile at each of them.

The picture that stands out to me is of that last night. Gerard is holding my hand across the table, both of us leaned in for a kiss. Some random fan offered to take it for us. In the picture, it’s angled just right and you can see the ring in Gerard’s fingers, he’s holding onto it. That was when he was probably going to do it but got too scared.

The thought makes me sad and I close the book, placing it to the side and starting to look through the comics again. They make me feel better until I reach the bottom of the box. There's a satin covered, gold trimmed, ring box in the corner. I pick it up and open it. I run my fingers under my eyes as I notice a drop of water hit the velvet inside, soaking into the cloth. I’m crying.

It was such a beautiful ring. It was engraved, saying ‘ _You’re really mine’._  I touch my hand to my mouth as I read it. It hurts to see. Just by looking at it I can tell it cost everything he had and just by those words inside I can tell I meant so much more to him than he did to me.

It hurts so much to realize how much I crushed him.

I put everything away and wait for Gerard to get back so I can force a smile over my brokenhearted soul.

|||

Him coming back doesn’t do much but upset me more. He’s sitting there with a huge smile on his face. How bad did I hurt him that he was this happy just to have me in the same room as him?

“Frank?” He catched my attention and I look up from the thing I’ve been staring at in my hands for the past fifteen minutes, “You okay? You’ve been pretty bummed since I got back.”

“I’m fine, yeah.” I nod, lying through my teeth.

“No your not.” He gets up from where he’s sitting on the floor and comes to sit next to me, pushing the box I was sorting through to the side, “Tell me what’s wrong.”

“I-... Well… Please don’t get mad okay?” I frown.

“What happened?” He’s more concerned than anything.

“I stumbled upon your important box and I found that picture album… And the ring…” I sigh, “And now I feel like the biggest fucking asshole on the planet.”

Gerard sighs and rests his head on my shoulder, “You can have it.”

“I- What?” I squint at him.

“You can have it.” He repeats, “You can have the ring. It means a lot to me but it’s technically yours and it would probably be better off with you anyway.” Gerard shakes his head, his hair tickling my skin.

“I couldn’t take it from you.” I mumble, “Save it for when you find someone special.”

“You’re the only special someone I’ve ever had or ever will have, Frank.” He pushes.

“Just keep it incase.” I insist.

“I’ll keep it for the day that I actually grow some and propose to you.” He smiles at the thought, “Even though that just leaves it with me forever…” He speaks so soft that I assume it was meant more for him so I just pretend not to hear it.

##  **Gerard**

“To thank you for coming over everyday for the past week and a half, I'm bringing you out for coffee.” I smile at him and he shakes his head.

“You really don't have to, Gee. I liked helping and spending time with you again.” He speaks.

“And I like spending spending time with you too so please just come so I can have an excuse to spend one more day with you.” I blush.

“Oh.” Frank gets flustered by my words and looks down at his hands in his lap, “Okay, I would like that.” He admits.

“Then hurry up and let's go.” I joke and he stands, sliding his sneakers back on. Even after all this time he still never tied his shoes. I used to do it for him before shows so he wouldn't die.

He bumps into my shoulder as he walks past, “Hurry up.” He mocks with a big smile on his face. I get even redder and turn away with a grin on my face, “Let’s go, Gee!” Frank calls as he steps out the front door. I snap back to reality and grab my keys, hurrying out after my former lover and locking the door on the way.

|||

“I want some!” Frank whines like a child, pointing at the donut I had.

“Why didn’t you get one then!?” I laugh at his whining and he rolls his eyes. He did this all the time, he was pretty much the annoying girlfriend type that would insist they didn’t want anything and then eat most of what you got.

“Because, fuck you that’s why.” He grabs the donut and breaks off a piece, placing it in his mouth.

“This is why we can’t have nice things.” I titter as I take a bite of it myself, biting my lip, hard enough to draw blood, “Fuck!” I groan as I place my hand to my mouth.

“What happened?” Frank cocks his head to the side.

“Bit my lip.” I hum back in pain.

“Let me see.” He says to me and I listen, pulling my hand away. He leans a bit closer to me, observing the cut.

“Kiss it better.” I joke with him out of habit. He leans in and presses his extremely soft mouth to mine for only a moment.

“That help?” He asks. It did, honestly it did. It made my mouth tingle and my hands shake, adrenaline running through me.

“Yeah.” I manage to sound casual, “Thanks.” My voice breaks slightly.

“No problem.” He blushes with a huge smile.

I hand him the rest of my donut and he thanks me softly. We continue with small conversation for a while, filling each other in on the past few years, whatever was missed over the time without each other, which seemed to not be much.

It felt like a sick dream.

But the best dream I’ve had in a long time.

|||

“Gee, fake propose to me. It’ll get us free food.”

That’s the sentence that landed us in this situation. I’m sitting in a fancy as fuck resturant, Frank in front of me in a just as fancy suit with his hair tucked back behind his ears. He looked somehow better than the night I was going to propose for real.

“This was your idea, why can’t _you_ propose, Frank.” I mumble to him.

“Shut up and give me your hand. Can you at least _try_ to make this look real?” He rolls his eyes. We’d done this quite a few times. Mostly when we were just starting out as a band and could barely afford a meal. Usually it was Frank proposing or someone else proposing to us. I’d fake proposed to Mikey hundreds of times, thankfully we didn’t look too similar to raise suspicion.

I grab his hands, mine are clammy and gross but Frank didn’t seem to mind. He never did.

Our meals arrived and I was too nervous to eat. I was reliving the worst night of my life. If I just stayed away from alcohol maybe it wouldn’t end so poorly. That’s what I hoped for at least.

Frank eats without a problem, without hesitation. I poke at my meal until I just can’t anymore. Frank noticed my lack of appetite and pointed at my dinner plate with his fork, “Eat.” He says with food in his mouth.

“I’m not that hungry.” I shake my head.

“Gerard, eat. You used to do this when you were starving yourself. I know you well enough by now. Eat.” He pushes.

“I’m fine now, Frank. I’m really not hungry. I had food just before you came up with this spur of the moment idea.” I insist. I would eat later, I just couldn’t stomach food right now.

“I want to see you eat before I go home.” He nods and I smile at him.

“Okay. I’m just not hungry right now.” I repeat.

“That’s fine.” Frank coos.

He eats, we talk and act like we're in love.

Well, he acts, I do.

He finishes his food and I know that now I have to propose. Fake or not, I’m just as nervous as every other time I was going to do it, “Frank.” I say and he looks up at me, his beautiful eyes glowing in the dim lighting.

“Yes, Baby.” He purrs and I feel myself grow warm, my cheeks heating up.

“Um…” I start to fumble with the ring. It was the one I was going to use that last night, “So, I-... Well, I um… I really love you… You know that right?” He nods, looking at me with a huge grin plastered to his face. A real one, as if this were all real, “And, well… You’re my-... My everything, Frank. I love you with all my heart and soul and I never will stop loving you… Even after everything we’ve been through… I just… I can’t stop loving you. You are my favorite everything, the perfect melody to the most beautiful song. Your eyes make the stars seem dull and the world look grey as they stole all the colors and light from it all. Your laugh is a lyric so perfect it makes every other lyric look bad and that smile of yours… That’s something else… You steal my breath with a single glance as I fall in love over and over again with you. You never leave my mind and I just… I love you more than words could ever describe, more than any emotion or feeling could ever convey.” I pause and look up at Frank from where I had been staring down at my hands, he’s in tears. He was always good at acting, at playing pretend, “So, Will… Um… Will you marry me?” I hold out the ring to him and his jaw drops, the tears falling harder from his eyes as he nods.

“Yeah, of course I will…” His voice is hoarse and distraught. I go to place the ring on his finger, “I can’t take that.” He mumbles to me as I lean in to kiss him for dramatic effect.

“Please, just for the act.” I pleaded and he relents, letting me place the ring on his hand. He kisses me with a forceful push, so much emotion rushing through his mouth to me.

People are cheering around us and somebody who works here brings out a cake. I sit back in my seat with my fingers pressed to my lips. The rush that his mouth caused was special and so much more powerful than anything. People came and congratulated us. I couldn’t speak, afraid to lose this feeling.

We leave and Frank is still smudging tears around his face as he climbs into the car. I get in and start it, “Frank, are you okay?” I reach over and touch his knee. After almost a year of reconnecting with him it still felt so weird to touch him.

“Yeah… Fine.” He gives me a dim smile, “All that stuff you said just got to me.” He mumbles, rubbing vigorously at his eyes to stop the tears. He suddenly jerks his hands away from his face and pulls the perfectly sized ring from his hand, “I don’t want to forget about this.” He sniffles.

“No. Frank, please just keep it. I have nothing to do with it. I can’t wear it myself, it makes me too upset. Please just keep it.” I beg, “I had it made for _you,_ Frank. Not for me.” I sigh.

“You had this… _Made_ … For-... For me?” His voice trembles as more tears fall. I nod.

“Yeah, you’re special, one of a kind, so I had to get you something that was just as special as you.” I admit and shrug as though it doesn’t hurt.

“I-... Thank you, Gerard… So much.” He speaks and turns to look out the window, still crying as he now plays with the ring on his hand.

I wanted to just say that what I told him today was exactly what I planned to say that night that it ended.

But I didn’t

He’d gone through enough tonight as it was.

Maybe someday I’d tell him.

|||

The middle of nowhere, where it all started, where it nearly ended (for me at least) and where I lay again. This time Frank’s here, this time I’m not downing pills, this time I’m not drunk, this time I’m not trying to find a way to stop the suffering.

This time I’m just laying under the stars with the person that holds my hand, the person that holds my heart and my soul, the person I love.

His thumb runs over the back of my hand, a single rough patch on his smooth skin from his guitar strings wearing away at his hands after all these years. We’re watching the stars and he’s showing me the constellations like he used to. It was too dark for me to see his pretty eyes or that charming smile, but I could feel his hand tense when he’d laugh or giggle, the way he would relax when I’d speak.

I can feel the ring I’d given him months ago still firmly on his finger. Our hands were warm, not uncomfortable and sweaty, warm but comfortable, warm. The breeze ran over us and Frank shivered a bit. I hand him my jacket and he wraps it around himself, it’s massive on him even though I’m not that big myself. Frank was so small, not even five feet. I loved that, wrapping my arms around him and resting my chin on his head. I’d have to tilt my head up slightly to do it but either way, it was my favorite.

“Hey, Gee.” He squeezes my hand.

“Yeah, Frankie?” I breathe in contentment.

“I-... Well, never mind.” He mumbles and tries to pull his hand back from mine. I wrap an arm around him in a sudden burst of courage and pull him against me, “What are you doing?” He seems flustered as he attempts to get out of my grasp.

“You looked cold.” I coo and he calms down, “Now, what is it you wanted to say.” He shakes his head against me, “Spill.” I poke is side and he jumps.

“Uh… Well, that night when you fake proposed… I cried really hard because everything you said was… Was so… Genuine… And like, I really… I wanted it to be real so bad…” He starts to cry, not just soft falling tears but sobbing, heavy hot breaths of air spilling over my skin, “Gerard, I wanted all of that stuff to be real! I-... It just… You sounded like you meant it and it felt… So… Real…” He hiccups and presses his face into my shoulder, “I’m sorry… I… I’m still in love with you… I’m sorry…” He bawls, I start to pet his hair to calm him down.

“Shh, Frankie, it’s okay… Shh.” I coo, “Please don’t cry, hey… Hey, I have to tell you something, Frankie…” I try to get his attention. He tries to calm down so I just start, “I-... Frank I really did mean all of that, I… Um… Well, I was going to tell you, basically all of that the night I lost you…” I confess.

Frank peers up at me, still crying and visibly upset, “R-... Really?” He stammers hopefully.

“Yes, of course, Frank… I never stopped loving you… it's always been you.” I say to him with as much emotion as my body could convey. I squeeze him closer to me and tip his face up to look at me with my finger, “I'm still in love with you, I always will be.” I press my lips to his, my body tingling with a sudden burst of energy, my lips moving against his perfectly. Our mouths fit together like missing puzzle pieces. We fit together like that, perfect.

He puts his arms around me and smiles, pulling away. I let out a shaky breath, “I missed this…” He hums.

“I missed you.” I tell him and he laces our fingers, “Can we start over?”

“Only if I can do this whenever I want.” He kisses me.

“Gladly.” I say, “You have to promise not to leave.”

“Deal.” He grins and bumps his forehead to mine.

“You’re really mine.”

“Finally yours.”

The middle of nowhere is for the broken hearted and shattered souls to fall in love again and again.

The middle of nowhere is for the loved.

And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

 


End file.
